Assholes Finish First

Assholes Finish First

Book - 2011
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The best gift for the dudes and bros in your life: the fratire New York Times bestseller Assholes Finish First , featuring twenty-five new and exclusive stories by Tucker Max.

What do you do after you write a #1 bestselling book about your drunken, sexual misadventures that makes you rich and famous? Celebrate by getting more drunk and having insane amounts of sex, obviously. And pretty soon you've got another bestselling book on your hands.

Stuffed full of ridiculous stories of bad decisions, debauchery, and sexual recklessness, Assholes Finish First starts where I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell left off, then proceeds to "some next-level shit."

You already know how women react to confidence, game, and vodka, but what happens when you add money and fame to the mix? You get answers to the hard questions you've never thought of asking:

* What's it like to have sex with a midget? What about two midgets?
* What does it do to a man to watch a nineteen-year-old do wind sprints to sober up, so that she can have sex with you before her twin sister does?
* At what number of virgins does deflowering them stop being fun and start feeling like a job?
* When a girl you met three hours ago decides to tattoo your name on her body, what is the appropriate reaction?

The answers are inside, they are absurd and hilarious, and they are the product of one man's experiences:

His name is Tucker Max, and he is still an asshole.
Publisher: New York : Gallery Books, 2011.
Edition: 1st Gallery Books trade pbk. ed.
ISBN: 9781439198698
Characteristics: vii, 415 p. :,ill. ;,23 cm.


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FindingJane Nov 12, 2016

The hits just keep on coming. The reprehensible Tucker Max returns in this followup to “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell”, proving once again that trainwrecks remain a never-ending source of fascination.

The book, on the surface, is yet another regaling of Mr. Max’s various exploits on the road, in bars and between the sheets. While I’m no longer stunned at his abilities as a womanizing, sottish egomaniac, I detect certain cracks in his façade, contradictions that hint of mental fractures between how he acts and what he thinks.

In a couple of sections, he claims to like women. But he continually refers to them with names like girl, bitch, bunt, vagina, slut, whore, random and, the baffling term, wheelhouse. Maybe he likes women…but it’s the way that foxes like chickens. He wants to relate to women as people but he talks to them mainly to learn their insecurities so he can manipulate and verbally abuse them into sleeping with him.

He states that he wishes to get married and have children someday. But his constant habit of picking up women in bars, sleeping with college girls young enough to be his daughters and hooking up with anonymous females through emails is strictly counter to this desire for matrimony and fatherhood. Does he really think he’s going to find a wife while trolling for drunken, loose women in bars? That’s about as effective as going to a porn shop hoping to find a rare edition of “Gadsby” hidden on the shelves.

Mr. Max is busily crossing off experiences on his sexual bucket list (Twins? Check. Midget? Check. Two midgets? Check and double check!) just so he can boast to people about what kind of lays he’s had. However, he professes to be puzzled about the adulation he receives from pimply-faced male adolescents who worship him as a god (must be a lot of Calibans out there looking for Stephanos to idolize). Honestly, dudes, he’s just an ordinary guy in messy clothes, having run-ins with the cops, refusing to perform cunnilingus and stealing money out of women’s wallets after he’s banged them. What’s the big deal?

Oh, well. For those female bibliophiles who want the Tucker Max Experience without the mess, I recommend this book. It’s the best way to “have” Mr. Max without waking up in a puddle of urine, with a hammered vagina, an emptied wallet (depending on what you spent for this book) and cum in your hair.

rstucke35 Jul 19, 2013

This book is amusing. Pretty well written. Tucker himself is a pretty screwed up person. Know what you are getting into before you start reading this book. If you don't you will be highly offended. Overall amusing.

phil111 Jan 13, 2013

I laughed quite hard reading this book as I did all of them.

May 02, 2012

I thought this was the best of the three books!

Mar 05, 2012

I think he is my illegitimate son

Jan 22, 2012

To the first three people who reviewed this book.. If you had any sense of humor, you would've given it more than 1 star.

emerald2pac Sep 29, 2011

Hilarious yet another great book from Tucker Max I recommend it to all well adults lol with a sense of humor that is prudes and people who get easily offended need not apply lol

May 25, 2011

hilarious book! i laughed a lot while reading this

Mar 04, 2011

Let me start by saying this book is absolute trash. Just plain offensive. I thought it might be like The Game, which reveals unspoken truths about human behavior and gives guidance to the psychological games we play for the chance at love. But no. This is just about the adventures of a sleazebag. Worst waste of an hour of my life.

Jan 26, 2011

I don't know how this book made it on to any bestseller list, it is absolute garbage.

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straightupg Apr 26, 2011

straightupg thinks this title is suitable for 21 years and over


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